I'm The Goddamn Frank Miller Movie

As you all know, I hate Zak Penn, why Marvel keeps hiring him to write their movies I'll never know. What many may not know is I'm not much more fond of Frank Miller, the apparent god of all comic book fanboys. I'm told he's written some good books. With exception of Batman: Year One, I've never been impressed. I've read The Dark Knight Returns and I can't honestly see whats so great about it. I think its a horrible book, but that's just my opinion, maybe it is actually good.

So having read and not liked that book, I don't bother with his other opus' such as Sin City, Ronin, 300, and so on and so forth. Likewise, I'm not a big fan of the Sin City movie. However, 300 was okay, but I credit that more to Zach Snyder, because he's awesome.

Anyway, aside from his minimal effort on the Sin City movie, Miller has been active in film before. Someone allowed him to write the script for Robocop 2, which was deemed unfilmable and went through many rewrites (and still sucked). He was allowed to return to write Robocop 3, which didn't go through any rewrites and sucked harder than part two.

Well, I guess time erases memories for some, because Lionsgate not only allowed Miller to write the script for The Spirit, they went ahead and let him direct it too. I'm sure if you've seen the previews you're probably thinking 'man, this looks good awful', or 'man, this looks like a Sin City ripoff'. And you'd be right. Miller, though claiming to respect Will Eisner's character, has created nothing more than a hackneyed pseudo-Sin City sequel, all while ruining any chance of The Spirit being made into a good movie by a good filmmaker.

I know Miller hates Hollywood and like the asshole that is Alan Moore (maybe more on him later as the Watchmen story develops), blames them for all their shortcomings, but I just don't understand why he turned his so called friends prized and beloved character into celluloid shit. I really feel bad for Gabriel Macht, the actor who plays the Spirit. He's a good actor deserving of a starring role, and because of this crapfest, he'll probably sink back into obscurity. I don't feel so bad for Sam Jackson, I kinda feel like I could get him to show up to star in my home movies. I wonder if he has ever turned down a role.

Thankfully, America as a whole made sure to reaffirm how we feel about Frank Miller being involved in film by making it seventh place in the box office. Yep, Marley & Me beat it. I don't even know what that movie is about except for it starring a yellow lab. Then again, Marley & Me also beat Brad Jolie's new movie, which is good since he's a prick anyway. I mean c'mon, tell me Angelina is hotter than Jennifer Aniston and I'll call you a fucking craptard to your face. But I digress, because Mr Angelina and Mrs Brad could be the subject of a whole other blog too.

To sum up, I'm just happy to see Miller's latest and hopefully last attempt at film making bomb like Hiroshima. Couldn't happen to a better guy. Now if DC Comics would just cancel that god-forsaken All-Star Batman & Robin series he is consistently late and sucky on. Only Frank Miller can make me hate Batman, or err, the goddamn Batman that is.







For more on a kidnapping, child-abusing, womanizing, asshole to the extreme Batman, please go pick up All-Star Batman & Robin, I promise you'll regret it as much as everyone else who read it and dropped it immediately afterward. The issues come out fairly irregularly as Miller seems to hate deadlines, but I imagine a whole lot time just opened up in his schedule for him to ruin Batman some more.


UPDATE: The Spirit opened in 9th place. Even better. Natch.

Keeping Warm While Sacrificing The Virgin

Returning to the theme of commercials that bother me. I'm sure alot of the two or three of you that read this have seen this one. They are called 'Snuggies', they are advertised as blankets you can wear. The commercial has the usual hapless retards that can't seem to function in life without As-Seen-On-TV items, this time with people that can't properly use blankets. These commercials always remind me of the Friends episode where Joey was in a commercial as the guy who couldn't pour milk.

Anyway, I know the world has been up in arms over the blanket problem, so someone came up with the Snuggie. My problem is that it really just seems like an overt advertisement for cult style clothing. And they even come in 3 fashionable colors, depending on what your particular cult is into. I just wonder if the 'blankets' come with literature on how to find or start your own cult.

Since I'm talking shit on this fine product I'll link you to the video but not post it here.

Snuggie Cult Clothing

The Greatest Christmas Gift.

So 28 seems to be a year of firsts for me. I had my first child. I got married. Got my first ride in an ambulance. Got my first stay in a hospital. What else could happen before April.

On Christmas night I got sick. I was puking my guts out while my ass was acting like a water faucet turned all the way up. By the morning I was in so much pain and about six to seven pounds lighter. So my wife called me an ambulance (do they purposely hit every pothole?), went to the ER where I had a doctor who first told me I'd probably be having surgery for appendicitis before he later said I had no such thing. But he was old and probably senile. So I got admitted and got to enjoy a night and day of room service where you tip with urine and bowel samples. Food probably sucked but I wouldn't know being as I was on a jello diet.

I'm home and better now. Still a few pounds lighter and still no clue what was ever wrong with me. Just a further reminder to myself that doctors in the town of Richmond aren't worth a shit. Kinda wish I'd had House as a doc, atleast then the experience would have been entertaining.

Joker

Joker

Written by Brian Azzarello

Art by Lee Bermejo

Published by DC Comics











Where to start. I guess with this. I started reading comics at roughly eight years old. With a real interest developing by thirteen. Batman has always been the center of my comics universe, first with the Tim Burton film, then with the pages of Batman and Detective Comics. Mr. J was always there. With his wide red grin and his usually well groomed green hair. His purple suit. And he always brought the ha ha ha's.
The thing about this character is that he's a psychopathic murderer, it's what he gets off on. That was the original intent of his creation way back in the good clean days of 1940. Somewhere along the way he became a clown, not in the literal sense as he is already obviously a clown, but as Ledger's Joker said best, he lost his balls. He became about gags and the like. He was tamed and toned down, the antithesis of his intention and while still the most fun of Batman's rogues gallery, still rather bla.

I'm biased, he is my favorite villain. But I guess I never realized how boring he was until Heath Ledger played him. I was a fellow naysayer in his casting and ability, but then I saw what he did. He gave the Joker his balls back. He made him what the Joker is and should be. He made him scary. With few exceptions, I personally have never seen that in the Joker. Cool, yes. Murderous, yes. Sick, not really. Scary, nuh-uh.

For all intents and purposes, The Joker is a character that Ledger created. At least the Joker I want from here on out. Nicholson never sat well with me and I don't want that or a Romero version anymore. I wanna see the Joker as created by Ledger.

And Joker is a damn good start.

Technically written and drawn before Ledger was even cast, this book, which has no relation to The Dark Knight, is the literary soul mate of that movie. The art by Lee Bermejo eerily mirrors Ledger's Joker as much as Azzarello's writing does. The tone is realistic like TDK, with no apparent typical cape book stereotypes. This is as real as it could get in a place where a man would dress up as a bat.



All the usual Gotham suspects show up here: Penguin looking like a fat Hitler minus mustache, Harley Quinn in a non-speaking role, Killer Croc as a black man with a skin condition, The Riddler as a gimpy genius, and Harvey Two-Face, also not too far removed from the movie. The one Gotham resident barely making an appearance in this book is Batman, he's only a cameo in this book, because after all, the Joker is the star of this show.

The story starts as small time thug Jonny Frost elects to retrieve Joker from Arkham where he is being released for unknown reasons. 'Jonny Jonny' is quickly recruited as Joker's right hand man and the story goes from there as Mr. J seeks to reclaim his lost kingdom.

The Story has a very Fight Club feel to it in the sense of Jonny Jonny's relationship with Joker being reminescent of Tyler Durdin's to himself in the first half of the movie. Many, okay, all of the things Joker does in this book are disturbing, from skinning a man to his revenge tactics against Jonny Jonny.

I'm not sure if the book makes Joker at all a sympathetic figure, but at times he is almost human. But still always sick and twisted. He carries his deep paranoia of Batman watching over him at all times and it is mentioned a few times, even if the Bat's name is never spoken, he is usually just referred as 'him'. But you never mistake who him is.


The 'villain' of this book is Two-Face, dressed not at all as flashy as his comic book counterpart, and absent the usual green scarred skin. He is the man who took Joker's territories and money upon his incarceration and he is the man Joker seeks to utterly destroy, causing Harvey to seek help in Batman.

At the climax of the book, after Joker's Fear and Loathing style Gotham rampage has reached its limits, Batman does show, and is himself very different from his comic book counterpart in more than just costume. He speaks only three words before letting his fists do the rest of the talking.

This is the most original Joker story written since A Killing Joke back in the 80's and will probably be viewed as better than that book in time. This is truly a classic and hopefully it leads the way the character of the Joker will go for years to come, because compared to this, the comic book version of the Joker is nothing but a clown.

Salvation Army Commercial

Theres a new commercial advertising the Salvation Army. In it a Salvation Army 'soldier' rings her little bell by the homeless, drunks, flood victims, so on and so forth. Now I can't help but think that she'd be alot more help if she'd put the damn bell down and help the people trapped on their roof in the flood. And does she really think the drunk guy needs to hear a loud bell in his present state?

Thought for the day.

John McCain owns 7 houses. Barack Obama owns 1.

John McCain owns 13 cars. Barack Obama owns 1.


Elitism -
n.

1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.
2. 1. The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.
   2. Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

From the American Heritage Dictionary.


Now, based on the facts above and word definition. Who would you think is the elitist?

Obama should hire Bonnie Fuller as his campaign manager.

Yesterday, Bonnie Fuller, a contributor to Huff Post, posted a blog entitled 'Obama! If you want to win -- Boot Biden and bring back Hillary'. Hmmm. Lets forget for a second that you have never run a political campaign, never even seriously covered a campaign in the rags shes edited in the past. I just want to point out the idiocity of the headline statement.

Obama has had his share of trouble convincing the country he's experienced enough to have the job. Taking back his VP pick and giving in to PUMA is not going to strengthen, but rather KILL his chances of winning the presidency. Granted he'd be picking who he arguably should have picked originally, but no one's going to elect a man that looks unsure, even if Hillary is holding up the other half of the ticket. Anyone who doubts this should do a wiki search on it Senator Thomas Eagleton, dropped from George McGovern's ticket in 1972. If you've never heard of Mr. McGovern, its because he lost the election. History does repeat itself for those who don't learn. Someone should tell Bonnie Fuller.

Here's Bonnie full blog, expert that she is, she has included a few other tips to Obama on how to win the campaign.

Old Jason is dead! Long live Jason!

Well, as of August 28, 2008 at 7:50 pm, I don't get to be selfish anymore. Darn, kinda liked that. I'm sure I'll still be able to fit it in.

See, I'm a father now. Little Grayson was born at said time. The old cliche about how it changes your life instantly and you never understand how much you can love someone until you have a kid, yeah, all that bruhaha, its true. All of it. I love that little boy. Absolutely love him. He's the new me.

I can't wait to corrupt his little mind with ideas of superheroes and galaxies far far away. I can't wait to teach him about life and making sure he grows up a Democrat. I'm excited to see him get to grow up in this time of history when we might actually elect another Kennedy-esque President, the kind that only comes by every generation and a half. I can't wait to learn the world all over again through his eyes. I can't wait to protect him and love him forever.
But I can wait, a loooong time, because for now, I just love holding that little boy as close and as tight as possible.